In the End, She Knows Why
by The Cute One
Summary: She askes herself how she became a slave to her love. Then she remembers that Autumn day. Rated M to be safe. Read on


Why?

The word swirled memories and fragments of reality into the question; how the hell had she found herself in the situation?

And why?

The corner of the library was always reserved for those who skipped the clangor of the Great Hall and sought solace in the thousands of tombs that lined the dusty shelves. Various house members basked in the late afternoon glow, the lake reflecting liquid gold across the late summer grass and halls of the ancient castle. It was the curious part of dusk, when light leaves its lingering warmth on the Scottish hills, and before the soft curtain of night descends; the in-between time where time and light slow and fade, stretching hours and minutes and seconds into days, eternities, eons.

An absence of time contrasts the students tedious and busy nature, like hibernating creatures stuffing themselves with knowledge before the soft blanket of true summer can envelop their senses, and become drunk on freedom.

Sitting in the plush leather arm chair, she just had to wonder why the past few months had led her here to the sun-drenched secluded part of the library. Why here? Why now?

The torrent of memories bubbled and surged under the layer if her subconscious, breaking and eroding the barrier until, one by one, an answer was born.

_She's conscious of time. How much is left, when things are due, when time runs out, and abhors being late. She checks the clock-an hour and a half before Charms is to being. She twists her hands, fiddles with the pleats of her skirt. Why meet her, of all places? She stands at the entrance to the Great Hall, waiting patiently with paranoia she hadn't felt in so long. The excitement in so long._

_It had been months since they had made love, under the impression that it would, really I promise, be the last time. And every time he had made that confession, he would be back at precisely every Wednesday to ask for more. I promise, really. He'd murmur this as he slipped his calloused hands under her skirt and squeezes her mound, pulling her closer and embracing her with his intoxicating presence._

_But that had been months ago, across the eternity that was the summer holidays. An owl at midnight in the second week of term had confirmed her greatest fear and hope. He wished to meet, to talk, to catch up, go over everything that had plagued her mind after they were caught. To rehash the pain that cost her 15 pounds, which tinged her complexion with a paleness the sun could no longer brighten. Only HE could do that now, bring the color high in her checks as she screamed his name into the empty night._

_Checks watch, watches door, check again. Being caught again would mean expulsion; he couldn't give a shit, she gave the entire world. And there he was, casually making his way to her. No one knew why she would lust over someone of his demeanor, why anyone would consider him worth the sorrow she endured at his loss. No one knew, but then again none of that was their business. They were to speak, nothing more. It's nothing. _

_Yet the thumping, frantic heart in her chest spoke of a longing so bitter and sweet it would fling common sense out the window faster than you could say "Quidittch". His presence alone was enthralling, dominance and power oozed from his pores into the grace and ease in which he broke all the rules. Some called him a dick, an ass, or a womanizing bastard man-whore. Come to think of it he was all those things, but when sinking into the light blue eyes of his tan face, she was never safe. _

_Lost in the black holes of his pupils, all thoughts of regret and choice were pushed from her brain._

_All that existed was the two yearning souls, viewing each other as if years and leagues separated them._

_And in an instant he was by her side, guiding her to the autumn-lite grounds toward the glittering lake. _

_She just followed, eager for privacy and to see what words would finally be said._

_The sheltered grove of trees held a magnificent view of the afternoon sun, warm and clear of pine needles. Settling down onto the soft grass, they continued to search and scour one another's expression. _

_The confusion of longing was clear and apparent. Words could, and would be said later._

_As though possessed by the savage lust of dying animals, they found lips on lips, hands in hair, caresses of forgotten memories. They held on to each other with such joy their hearts fluttered and soared into unthinkable heights by the thought of it all. He sent hands into her shirt, lifting it up as she undid his buttons one by one, savoring the infinite time she had to do so. Naked, panting, they stared with renewed wonder at the slight changes in one another. Her weight-loss had set her curves in the right places accentuating her petite figure; mahogany hair and sapphire eyes gleaming with purpose. His summer job had hardened his muscles, yet his skin remained smooth and cool to the touch; the light in his eyes burned with an iridescent beauty that could never be tamed. Unquenchable lust griped them, and they embraced as lovers again. She never thought of her boyfriend as she gave herself to his power. She had missed this._

She returned back to herself, to the present.

That afternoon of love-making was six months ago. And every week since she gave in she sunk deeper and deeper into an unsolvable puzzle of lies and deception. He forced her to end her relationship, openly gloating to her ex of his exploits in her supple form. She hated him for that, for the loss of a boy she had so tediously constructed feelings for in an effort to rid herself of Him.

Because of the nature of their relationship, they could never have a relationship. It was impossible.

He had moved on with several girls…but always came back. Always with weak promises and rough caresses.

She never did move on, until she sought the courage to find happiness less than two weeks ago. It had been startlingly easy to redirect her fire towards another. The new boy pleased her, gave her someone she could openly walk down to the grounds, or study for Transfiguration with. The boy acted as a new beginning, one she desperately craved and loathed, and with sadness in her heart she re-read the letter in her shaking hands.

_Tonight. 10pm. Room of Requirement. You're mine tonight._

She had pondered the letter in the fading light for the last half hour, battling with urges and rationality until her mind was fit to burst.

But, in the end, she finally knew why.

She sagged her shoulders, burdened with the guilt and sorrow that would be replaced with a stolen sense of happiness.

She wrote back with care:

_Yes Master._

**_End_**


End file.
